Dear teenage me,
First things first, girl you need to stick to the musicians. I cannot stress this enough. They may be arrogant and self-absorbed at times but they do know how to make a girl feel special and loved. At the end of the day, they will protect you. All the properly strange ones you will date are all non-musicians. Yes, really.
While we’re on the subject of musicians. Over the years, bands will ask you to become their singer after hearing you sing. Don’t turn these offers down. Just go with it and have fun. You are lucky enough to have both the compulsory eccentric personality and the outlandish style. You are also constantly re-inventing yourself so you’re perfect for it. Don’t worry about the stage fright, it will gradually disintegrate.
Stop waiting for something to happen that will change things. You have to make the changes yourself. Don’t you ever doubt that you can have a fulfilled life. The depression you’re fighting will not defeat you. If you work hard and stay vigilant, you will be able to be happy. It’s just a bit harder for you because you are of a melancholic disposition. Don’t let the small town mentality get you down. Your hometown is not holding you prisoner, you are.
I know you’re biggest dream is to move to London and I can assure you that you will one day. In the big city you will experience a lot of joy as well as a lot of pain but most importantly, you will grow. London will not disappoint you and you will meet a lot of your favourite performers and heroes. You will not regret one second that you emigrated from Sweden.
And your second biggest dream; yes, you will one day start earning money off your writing, design and handmade creations so keep at it. Believe in your work.
At art school you will meet a wonderful girl, Emma, who will still be your best friend 13 years later and even after you leave the country. She’s one in a million so I want you to treat her well. You will occasionally fall out but you will always make up. You will become so close over the years that you will call each other ‘sister’.
Your constant devouring of books. You’re doing it right. Libraries and bookshops will never stop being your happy places. Keep up the reading.
Here are a few things that you should be doing that you later on in life will kick yourself for not doing: Study English and Japanese literature at a university in another town. Learn how to play an instrument. Study French instead of Spanish. Regularly practise tai chi and yoga. Oh, and the smoking. Stop doing it right now. It’s in fact creating the void that you think it’s filling. When you’re older you’re going to regret having ever started.
Even though you might not think so, you’re doing really well. All the struggles and suffering you’re dealing with will force you to grow into an incredibly strong, fabulously independent and pretty fearless woman. Believe in yourself and try not to let people walk all over you.
Lots of love,