The past 4 years of my life have been incredibly tough. If you don’t know me offline, this may come as a surprise to you as I made a conscious decision not to share all the bad stuff online. We are not our circumstances and I realised that blogging had a therapeutic effect because it forced me to focus on the good stuff.
Truth is, I felt horrifically lonely and out of place in London. Everything there is so fleeting. I was struggling to find meaningful work and I kept making friends who were only passing through. I’m originally from a small town in Sweden and as fun as London can be, living there stopped making sense to me a long time ago. I ended up spending my days desperately missing nature, seaside air and people who don’t live there.
So, 2 weeks ago I moved to Brighton to start a completely new life. I’m currently working in an ethical independent supermarket and living with a really sweet woman who was in a cult for 7 years. The transition proved more difficult than I thought it would be, but I’m making lots of new friends and there are lots of opportunities coming my way. This is my life now. I just need to stop resisting and let life take its course.
For 4 years I gave until there wasn’t anything left of me to give and it has made me really unhappy. I feel unbearably guilty saying no to people who are asking for my help and learning that “no” is a complete sentence has taken me many years. I’ve finally admitted to myself that I need therapy to help me work through everything that happened in London.
About 3 months ago, I wrote a plan for the future and I was pleasantly surprised by how specific it turned out. Since then I’ve been working very hard to create the life that I want to live. It’s been a painfully slow process but I’m taking steps towards a better life every day.
I want a simple, slow life. I want to write and help people live like they mean it. I want to go for long walks, cook good food, laugh every day, love with my whole heart, read good books, listen to music and podcasts, have super connection conversations, sing, watch good films, learn new things, go out for dinner or tea and cake, visit exhibitions, go to comedy and music gigs, go to the pictures and travel.
Artistic souls need space to grow and I’m never going to become the woman I want to be if I live conventionally. I was never made for a conventional life. I need to invest in myself and live the way I want to live.
That’s it. Nothing is more important than doing what makes me happy and surrounding myself with people who love me, believe in me, encourage me and make me cry with laughter. I just want to write and love and laugh. Here’s to a new chapter of my life.