I need to allow things to be good.
I’m so used to struggling just to keep my head above water that I don’t know what to do with myself when life is good. As human beings we get used to things being a certain way, and we tend to want it that way because it feels familiar and safe, even when it’s unhealthy for us. Some days, I feel terribly frustrated and crave a challenge because that’s what I’m used to, but I’m learning that it’s okay to be bored. (Thank you, Geenie.) Things being good is a good thing. It just happens to be something that I’m not fully used to yet.
Deep, unconditional love is the most important thing in life.
Distance is irrelevant and the commitment is real. As much as I enjoy my own company, I need those super connections too. They’re vital for my well-being. I’m focused on nurturing my close relationships, and I thrive on the deep love I have in my life. I feel so blessed to have people who I can trust and who love me unconditionally.
Consuming refined sugar makes me feel like I’m suffering from exhaustion.
Throughout January, I felt exhausted. I slept a lot more than usual but I still woke up tired. At work I was half asleep. It got so bad that I started worrying that I was getting seriously ill. Then it dawned on me that I was eating sugar almost every day. Let me explain. I don’t experience a sugar high; I head straight for a sugar crash. It’s like I’ve taken sleeping pills. It’s bizarre. If I can’t sleep, I just have a biscuit and go right to sleep. Completely cutting refined sugar out of one’s diet is hard, so I’m happy to have managed to drastically limit my intake of the white poison.
I can survive in a world without Bowie in it.
Losing Bowie was a tough blow. He was a father figure to me and his guidance has always been there. I felt so broken and lost, like I had lost myself. I still cry, but I know that I can and will go on. Somehow, in the collective conciousness we all seem to have thought that he was immortal. His legacy didn’t die with him though and after all, he was only visiting. He truly is one of the most wonderful men and talented artists to ever have walked our planet.
Dedicating one day a week to self care elevates my well-being tremendously.
After a long work week full of social interaction, I need a day of being with myself and doing lots of nice things for myself. Some of my favourite things to do are: taking long essential oil baths by candlelight while listening to true crime podcasts, treating myself to some new lingerie or beauty products, writing or reading in bed while drinking cherry blossom Sencha or Gyokuro, writing in my self empowerment notebook and watching comedy or horror films in bed.
Writing needs to actively be made a priority.
Having a full time job makes it hard to find enough time to focus on my raison d’être. A change of scenery is a good idea so I’m contemplating places I could go to get some peace and quiet. I want to make more time for writing personal essays and articles. Reliving my troubled past is tougher than I thought it would be, so I’m letting my autofiction book take its time and come out organically. It’s something that needs to be written.
I’m fully capable of breaking unhealthy behavioural patterns.
My past behaviour doesn’t define me. Just because I used to behave a certain way, doesn’t mean that I have to keep it up. This ties in with the first thing on this list. Just because I used to accept, and even create, chaos in my life because chaos feels familiar, doesn’t mean that I have to keep on doing it. Every now and then, I have a dream in which I mess everything up and I wake up feeling awful and guilty. These nightmares are reinforcing my determination not to do it.
How about you? What things have you learnt this year so far?